Why Do We Do That to Ourselves?


Do you have a habit of blaming yourself when things go awry? I know I sometimes do.

I see this pattern of self-blame frequently when working with clients. When something happens that doesn’t fit their projected outcome, they look toward themselves first.

I notice this in myself, too, especially when someone is unresponsive to my texts or emails. My mind immediately asks, “Why aren’t they answering me? What did I say or do wrong?”

Then I remind myself to ‘practice what I preach’ and take the 10,000-foot view (sometimes referred to as the alien view). When I step back and look at things as both the participant and the observer, I am reminded that there could be numerous reasons for the outcome, most of which have nothing to do with me. Doing this helps stop the self-blame, which is never a good feeling.

Can you relate? How often does this happen to you?

Do you immediately look toward yourself when a boss or coworker doesn’t respond as you expected, someone seems especially rude, or a friend doesn’t return your call or text. The list is endless. Try to pick one from the past week. I bet it won’t be too hard.

Why do we do this?

It’s part of our fight-or-flight response, the innate response designed to protect us. It’s automatic and causes us to look toward the negative. Every human has it. In simple terms, we are better prepared to fight or flee if we can spot the threat.

This self-blame catapults us into catabolic energy, and that never feels good. Catabolic energy is based on victim thinking and the emotions surrounding that type of thinking. It drains you, stifling your growth, and turns on the release of adrenalin and cortisol.

This means that the stress response is turned on when it’s not necessary, and the continuous release of these hormones immediately begins to damage your health. It is distracting – blinding your consciousness by closing down the lens through which you see the world. This results in a limited view of the situation, leaving few choices.

Taking the 10,000-foot view moves us into anabolic energy, which is healing, fueling, and constructive. When we are in anabolic energy, our consciousness is expanded, and we see ‘possibilities’ that didn’t exist before.

Only when we begin to recognize and acknowledge this innate response can we work to shift it. Then we can stop falling victim to an automatic response that causes us to think negative and untrue beliefs about situations, people, and especially ourselves.

The next time you begin to fall down this rabbit hole, remind yourself to take the 10,000-foot view.

Look at the situation as both the participant and the observer. What’s really going on that you might not be seeing because you’re too close to the problem? When you pull that lens back, you can see much more clearly. More than likely, it’s not your fault at all. Or maybe it is. In that case, a sincere apology or rectification of the situation might be appropriate. You decide once you’ve stepped back, taken a broader view, and assessed the situation objectively.

Love = Consciousness
Fear = Judgment

Choose to live from LOVE

Ready to learn more about Conscious Energy? Visit these pages:

Understanding Conscious Energy

Creating Conscious Energy

“Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you’ve got.”

― Jim Rohn

Teresa Bruni

Teresa Bruni, The Healer - Assisting individuals in healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually through discovering and dissolving fear, grief, trauma, heartache, and pain.