The Secret People Are Searching For

Recently, many were moved by Erika Kirk’s bold and profoundly powerful act of forgiving her husband’s assassin—an act she carried out on a public stage before a large crowd. The most heinous of acts—taking another’s life—can never be undone or corrected. In this case, it left a wife and mother, along with two small, innocent children, without their most loved one—prompting us to pause and reflect on the fragility of life and the weight of our actions. It is a moment that asks us to stop, to feel compassion, to consider the lives forever altered by one person’s choices, and to thoughtfully examine our moral compass as individuals and as a nation.
And yet, in the very face of such loss, Erika chose forgiveness. Many have said they could never do such a thing, and their reaction is understandable. Forgiveness feels impossible when we’ve been wronged in ways that cut to the core of our heart and soul.
The Soul Behind the Act
Here’s the secret few people understand: every person has a soul. At its origin, that soul is born of pure love—just like yours. When someone commits terrible or destructive acts, it doesn’t mean their soul is absent. It means their soul has gone off course—likely influenced by deep wounds of their own, reshaped by suffering, abuse, social programming, and sometimes even drugs that cloud the mind and distort perception.
When we are able to step aside from our own pain—even for a moment—and recognize that the one who hurt us is also suffering (or just totally disconnected from who they were born to be), something shifts inside us. Compassion begins to enter the space where bitterness once lived. We may still grieve, we may still hurt, but we begin to see the bigger picture: wounded people wound others. Recognizing this truth doesn’t excuse their actions—it simply helps us understand the brokenness behind them.
What Forgiveness Really Means
Forgiveness isn’t about saying, “It’s okay” or pretending the wrong never happened. Hurting another or taking a life is never okay. Forgiveness is about setting our own hearts free from the grip of anger, bitterness, and resentment.
These heavy emotions diminish our own lives. They steal our joy, cloud our perspective, and keep us trapped in the very pain we long to escape. Without forgiveness, we carry the weight of another person’s wrongdoing inside us—sometimes for years. With forgiveness, we begin to release that weight and allow healing to take root.
Forgiveness has far less effect on the person who harmed us—they may never even know or care that they’ve been forgiven. But forgiveness changes everything for us.
The Transforming Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness brings peace where there was turmoil, light where there was heaviness, and strength where there was brokenness. It is not about weakness or surrender—it is about reclaiming our freedom.
This is the secret people are searching for: forgiveness doesn’t weaken us—it frees us.
Forgiveness at the Heart of Faith
Forgiveness is so central to healing that Jesus placed it at the very heart of the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Most of us can hardly imagine forgiving something as horrendous as the taking of a life, and yet this prayer reminds us that forgiveness is not optional—it is essential.
Even in our darkest failings, Jesus sees us, loves us, and remembers the pure soul we were created with. He does not measure us by our mistakes but by the love He has for us.
When we choose to forgive, we align ourselves with that truth—we begin to see others not as the sum of their sins, but as souls who have simply lost their way. And in that recognition, real healing begins.
Forgiveness as a Key to Physical Healing
In my practice, I’ve found that the ability to forgive is central to true healing. In fact, it’s one of the most important questions I ask on intake: “Is there anyone you need to forgive?”
This question isn’t meant to make you feel guilty—it’s meant to bring awareness to what may be holding you back. Unforgiveness often lodges in the heart and soul like an unhealed wound, blocking emotional, spiritual, and even physical well-being. By identifying who or what needs forgiveness, we create the first opening for release.
Healing cannot fully occur while we carry anger, resentment, or grudges. Acknowledging these feelings and consciously working toward forgiveness is not just a spiritual exercise—it’s a practical tool for reclaiming your energy, your clarity, and your peace.
Moving at Your Own Pace
It’s important to remember that forgiveness is a journey, not a deadline. Everyone moves at their own pace, and if you’re not ready to forgive just yet, that’s okay. Forcing forgiveness before you’re prepared can feel inauthentic and may even deepen the wound. What matters is being open to the process—acknowledging where you are today and taking small steps toward release when your heart is ready. Healing unfolds in its own time, and that’s part of the grace of the journey.
How to Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process, not a single act. Here are some ways to begin:
- Acknowledge the hurt. Don’t deny the pain or pretend it didn’t happen. Allow yourself to feel it fully.
- Recognize the soul within the other person. Remember that even those who hurt us carry wounds of their own. Their actions often flow from brokenness, not wholeness.
- Release the desire for revenge. This doesn’t mean you accept the wrong, but you choose to stop reliving it and feeding the cycle of pain.
- Shift toward compassion. Ask yourself: What might this person have gone through to become who they are? Compassion doesn’t excuse them—it helps heal you.
- Choose freedom daily. Forgiveness is not a one-time decision; it’s a daily choice to let go of bitterness and choose peace instead.
- Invite divine help. For many, forgiveness feels impossible without God’s grace. Asking for strength beyond your own can bring a peace you can’t manufacture yourself.
A Final Reflection
Who do you need to forgive?
If you’re struggling, know that you don’t have to walk through the process alone. I have powerful tools and proven processes that can help you release pain, break free from bitterness, and step into the healing that forgiveness brings.
👉 Reach out today to learn more about how I can guide you through this journey of freedom. Request your discovery session now.